Well, crap. That came fast. I swear November 30, 2013 was just last week, but it’s already mid-October 2014 which means NaNo is right around the corner!
I haven’t given a single thought as to what I want to write, much less done any prep work so November ought to be interesting. I need an idea and I have not a single one. Main character? HA! Plot? We don’t need no stinking plot!
Buuuuuuuut….I do. I do need a plot. Crapola. I need a plot, a main character, secondary characters, a setting, a beginning, middle, and ending. Seventeen days….I’ll be ready.
A few weeks ago, I realized for the first time since I began my quest to live a life of no regrets, that I had no more ugliness and drama in my life. None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero. After nearly three years of carefully and quietly cutting out the organizations, situations, and people that caused me angst, I was free. The drama and grossness was gone. It felt good. Still, as I was basking in the sunshine of contentment, I felt a gnawing that something was gone…missing and I needed to find it.
Part of living without regret requires one to be brave and face the fear of possible rejection, so I sat down and wrote an e-mail to a friend I had parted ways with years before. We hadn’t parted on good terms, we were both victims in a way of a she said/she said catfight. One in which I had chosen wrong. I knew immediately that I had made a bad choice, but pride and fear kept me from fixing it.
I would see my former friend on social media and pangs of regret and sadness filled my soul. So I wrote. I wrote and deleted. Rewrote and deleted some more. Read, re-read, thought about it, and re-read my apology once more. Did I say I was sorry too many times? Did I sound insincere? Maybe I didn’t say it enough….did I sound too flip and nonchalant? I finally told myself to suck it up, cut and pasted my sad words into an e-mail, and hit send. Then, I wanted to throw up.
What if she didn’t answer? Even worse, what if she did answer and refused to accept my apology. I wouldn’t have blamed her. I was truly awful when we split and as much as I regretted my actions, I would have understood her reluctance to forgive me.
But she did answer. She did forgive me. She forgave me so completely and with such joy it made me cry. So now, after too many years apart, we are rebuilding our friendship and there is nothing I will ever regret about having the courage to push “Send.”