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Posts Tagged ‘adventure’

Walk Softly and Carry a Big Stick

The evenings have been lovely here in the desert, so when my friend Stephanie suggested we go walking instead of hitting the gym, I quickly agreed. If only I had known what lay in store for us as we set out on our merry way.

Normally when we walk we stick to the main roads, winding down to her neighborhood elementary school and curving back through your basic country neighborhood. Not last night, my friends, no we decided to go on an adventure.

Me: Ooh…should we turn right and go through the hills have eyes desert?

Steph: Sure, I’m game. Let’s go.

Off we went. Even though I said “through the desert,” at this point all that meant was that we were walking – on a paved road – away from street lights and houses. After a couple of miles we decided to turn off onto a dirt road that we KNEW FOR SURE would cut right into the next main street.

We walked and the dirt road became narrower and narrower until it was quite obvious that the only thing that used the trail were people on horseback and a random coyote or two. Awesome. Someone mentioned snakes and I may or may not have proved that white girls can jump as I practically leapt on Stephanie’s head when something rustled in the bushes next to me.

We were  fine until I had to ask in a stage whisper, “Are there any homeless encampments down here?” We stopped dead in our tracks for a minute. In our town we do have a couple of areas where the homeless set up camp. These aren’t your regular, down on their luck, normal people who just happen to have lost their homes. These are the crazy homeless people. Women are told not to walk alone in these areas because it can be dangerous. (Note: This is why I whispered. I didn’t want to possibly offend any of the crazies who may be eavesdropping on us by asking out loud. I’m not stupid. Sheesh.)

Great.

Neither one of us could see anything (in the dark) that looked even remotely like a lean-to or any other type of makeshift living space, but nevertheless we both freaked out. This is where Stephanie proved her bad assness by picking up a stick of dead, cracking wood and saying, ” We’re ok. If someone comes for us, I’ll skank them.” Yep, she said skank, not shank.

Thank goodness no crazy desert dwellers made a run for us right then, because we would have been easy targets since we were doubled over in fits of laughter. We spent the next mile and a half figuring out how long we would last in prison (not long) and who we would “skank” first.

We finally wandered back into semi civilization only to look at the first street sign we came to and realize that the street we were on was the very one a good friend of ours, who also happens to be a deputy in town, told Stephanie  we were NEVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES to walk through.

Welcome to Methville, folks. Please walk quickly and whatever you do don’t drop your skanking stick as it may come in handy when the 325892347846234 chihuahuas racing along the fence next to you decide to attack.

Eventually, we made it back to Stephanie’s house safe and sound, no worse for the wear, but I believe that our evening workouts will take place in the gym from now on. Stephanie can just leave her skanking stick next to the elliptical machine in case a steroid crazed gym member gets out of line. She’ll show them who’s boss.

Birthday Wishes

Today’s the day….my birthday. The big 26 29 fine, 38.  I just went back and reviewed my list of 38 things I wanted to do before I turned 38 and discovered that, quite frankly, I suck! I am ashamed to admit that I have only crossed nine things off my list.

Nine.

What

the

Fuck?

Sure I’ve been busy doing um….other stuff. What? I have no clue and I’m not going to tell you which nine things I did manage to complete in between bouts of apparent sloth. Let’s just say unless I had an actual deadline, it’s still on the list.

However, it’s a new year for me now! I am declaring my 39th year to be The Year Karin Finally Figures Out Who She Is and What She Wants To Do With Her Life. I’m going to try new things and go on new adventures in the hopes that something will grab me by the shoulders and yell, “Yo! This is it! This is your bliss!”

The very best possible outcome is that I will discover something new and exciting to be passionate about. The worst possible outcome? I will have some darn funny stories to fill up my little corner of  the internet. If any of my new adventures turn out to be amusing and/or embarrassing, it’s a sure bet they will be documented right here. I have no shame and have no problem making fun of myself for your amusement.

While you wait, pull up a chair, have a piece of cake and enjoy my birthday with me!

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